After the death of our son Taylor, I struggled for many months with the sovereignty and goodness of God. I cried out time and time again, “Why Lord, what did I do wrong?! Did I not believe for a miracle and your divine intervention to restore him to perfect health? Was I not obedient in prayer?”. I believed that my prayers and my faith didn’t work and perhaps God was not there. Or perhaps I was being punished for weak faith or sin. I was falling for the devil’s tricks left and right.
Although there was a part of me that knew this wasn’t true, still I longed to know what happened and why. I didn’t trust God and His plan. It wasn’t until more recently that I had ears to hear the truth of God’s goodness. This is why I trust God after he let my son die.
Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Put plainly, God is saying, I don’t think like you. I am way better than you. And you are not even able to think like me.
Recently our 3 year old daughter learned to swim. She has gone from not even putting her face into the water, to leaping fearlessly off the rock at the deep end of our pool and trying to touch the bottom in one week. “Let me go!”, she demands as I am hovering at her side in the pool. “Close your eyes mama!” She wants to surprise me while she swims underwater. Of course we are happy for her and proud of her for being brave. But there’s no way I am going to turn my back on her or let her swim in the pool with out me at her side yet. I cannot truly explain this to her. Yes, I can tell her it is for her safety and I am there just in case, but to her, she is able and we are amazed so why can we just let her go on her way like her older sister?
As the parent, my way is higher in a sense. It would be negligent for me to allow her what she is asking at this time. Her thoughts aren’t the same as my thoughts. She cannot even have the thoughts I am having yet. Perhaps this is a poor example but I believe our father DOES know what is best for us and if we really want to get down to the bottom line, our life is not to please us, but to honor and glorify God. So if he sees fit to let my son die, knowing there will be a pressing and a new wine come out of it, so be it. If I am able to come out alive to share the good news of the gospel with passion and a burning in my heart, that is HIS will, not mine. God will do what needs to be done to protect His people. I am merely a servant, and a messenger. In other words, it’s not about me.
Hundreds of thousands of people die each year because of sin. Not because I didn’t believe strongly enough that God could heal my son.
There is a Heaven and a hell. These places are real. There is one way to get to Heaven, a narrow path. It isn’t the easy road and it bears great responsibility. I also believe it is our job as parents to lead our children there by example, through God’s Law. It isn’t enough to want your children to have a rich and close relationship with God, or to pray they will have a good prayer life. They aren’t going to magically be good neighbors or servants to others, they will learn this behavior through you, the parent.
I watched my precious son suffer and die of a terrible blood cancer. He survived brutal treatment only to die from liver failure due to the toxicity of the medication he had to take to have treatment. I am telling you this because it is important for me to share the fear I have. The fear that I did not do everything in my power to lead my son to Christ.
Now, I believe that Taylor did end up in Heaven. We had time to talk and he had time to accept his fate and make his choices in his heart. That’s another story for another time. However, we never know when we ourselves or our precious children will leave this world and there is no time to waste. They need to know now. If you are a believer in Christ as I am, and you have children, today is the day to begin showing them why you will choose to live a life for Christ and what the consequences are if you do not.
Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
Eternal life is a GIFT. This means you cannot earn it.
Are you going to Heaven? Or Hell? Why? Are you a good person? The truth is none of us are good by Gods standard. Have you ever lied? Stolen? Looked at a man or woman with lust? Then you’ve already broken 3 of Gods 10 commandants. None of us are good enough to get to Heaven no matter how we clean up our acts.
I have found some incredible resources that I would love to share with you. These are especially valuable if you have children who you may want to teach. I am very grateful for these tools because I never knew how to teach my kids these things before.
We have young children and love this site for learning the 10 commandments:
We also love this book to further that teaching:
And for you yourself who may have more questions or are looking for the tools you need to share your faith check out this ministry:
For those of you who are newly mourning the loss of a child or other close family member, I am praying for you. Although it didn’t always seem so, God walked with me through the valley of the shadow of death and has brought healing, hope and even joy to my heart once again.